Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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