i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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