dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
