I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
