So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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