I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
