This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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