they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
