I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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