Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
