Can i not drive my cunt home
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
