Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
