I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
