it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
