guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
