There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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