I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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