Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
