Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
