i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
