Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
