I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
