In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
