Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
