mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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