Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
