mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
