i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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