Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
