i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
