We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
