if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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