he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
