You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
