My first STD was from a foam party
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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