it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
