and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
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we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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