you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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