I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
