We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
