Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
