first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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