Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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