I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize