i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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