So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
