I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Randomize
