did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
