Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
