Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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