take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
