I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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