Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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