The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I party with great urgency now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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