Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
