well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
