Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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