I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
