We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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