For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
