I'm lost and stupid without you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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