I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
