is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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