when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
