dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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