Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
