Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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