I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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