Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
