I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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