I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
