Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
