i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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