i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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